Active Listening: The Next Step - Your Body Language

Active Listening takes concentration and an awareness of what you are doing i.e. body language, as well as saying. As you found out in your Interpersonal practice, what you say with your body language can mean more than the words you are using. If the signals don't match, the speaker becomes confused and may not trust your input. Even on the phone, body language affects the speaker - how you sit, move, getting distracted, affects your tone of voice and responses.

Being aware of your body is one area of interpersonal intelligence.

What was your body language saying?
Look at the information you received from your interpersonal practice 1. What did you find is true for you here? If someone was observing you, would it look like you were listening to a conversation? Engaged or bored? Paying attention or distracted? Closed up (think arms/legs crossed, head down, no eye contact) or open and receiving (reverse the above)?

QUALIFIER: There is some wiggle room here - What is considered appropriate body language for one culture or gender may not be for another. So, depending on who you are going to be conversing with, you may need to do some research, particularly on cultures.

Here are some common characteristics found with genders (this is using generalities and not intended to stereotype anyone):

Male -
• tend to be multi-taskers, may keep busy with games or other activities while conversing.
• sitting or standing at an angle or next to the speaker rather than facing each other.
• occasional eye contact with the head often slightly lowered (shows concentration).

Female -
• can also multi-task, often more passive activities like mindless chores, out eating(form of nurturing), keeping the hands busy.
• sitting or standing facing one another, or turned toward each other - creating a safe space.
• more eye contact, listener's head may tilt to one side to show listening.

Body Language is an often unrecognized aspect of Active Listening; improve your interpersonal intelligence by increasing your awareness of yourself and others.

Would you like additional support and guidance for your practices? You can receive feedback and customized tips to improve your skills! See services, or connect with devaliving-training.

PRACTICE LIST:
No! - nervous legs (one knee bouncing up and down) or nervous fingers (tapping or strumming)
No! - other fidgeting i.e. playing with keys or coins in your pockets, rummaging through your bag or purse.
No! - very popular but still distracting to both people . . . no texting, checking messages, etc.
Yes! - eye contact, you don't have to stare at the person (please don't!), just make contact periodically, especially on points of importance, like revelations.
Yes! - lean slightly forward towards the person (think leaning in to be able to hear better).
Yes!- pick a setting to eliminate distractions (if on the phone, move to a closet if you need to).
Yes! - Nodding! (not nodding off - just to clarify :), A great way to show you are listening and it encourages the speaker to say more and get deeper without you having to talk and break the flow.

Finally, respect the person, by being present and focused when they need you! If you cannot do that at that particular time, it may be better idea for you to reschedule the conversation for when you know you can be a better listener.

Continue with your training in:
Interpersonal - The Foundation for Active Listening and Body Language Receive a better understanding of the importance of effective communication skills.

Active Listening Part 3: Responding - Your next level of learning Active Listening is discovering how to respond effectively in your conversations.

Active Listening Part 1: Listening - Review the information in Part 1 until you have created a successful habit.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
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